What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
