I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
don't judge my taste in strippers
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
