i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
