I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
