five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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