Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
