he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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