im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
