im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
now i know why i became what i already was.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
