Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
