Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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