I think I died a long time ago.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
