Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
