My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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