my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
