i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
time to smoke my breakfast
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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