He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
