come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
