There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
