My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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