I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
