god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
