I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
