Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
