there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
