would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
