im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
