Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Barsexuality is the new black.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
