we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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