White coat. Heels.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
