Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
