omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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