A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
