yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
