why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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