You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
