just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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