omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
