I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
