just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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