"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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