Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
