Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
