Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
