I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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