I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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