i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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