party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
