Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
