i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
