I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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